(Pictures are at the end...)
So, we get lots of questions these days about how we're doing. So, here ya go: We're doing okay! I won't lie, it has been an adjustment with two kiddos! The hardest part for me hasn't been adjusting with a new baby, but making the adjustments with Kathryn. We have been soooo blessed to have pretty much full-time help since Jackson has been born, thanks to family and friends. I can't tell you what an amazing thing this has been for us! And Johnny has been absolutely incredible. He has done all the extra household chores without complaint, has given up so much to help out, and has been so encouraging to me when the crazies hit. But, there is still the adjustment phase to go through as a family, as everything has changed.
For me personally, I have been learning a lot (and have TONS more to learn!). Many people think I am a pretty patient person. Sorry, but you're wrong. At least when it comes to myself and waiting for things. It's been hard for me to be patient with myself and my body, to let myself rest and recover. I so badly just want to be back into things, to do it all myself. And I get frustrated when I'm told not to, or simply can't do it. I'm also very prideful. I have a very hard time asking for help. And I struggle a lot with guilt, so I feel guilty for not doing things that I think I should. And I'm a perfectionist. I just want to do what's right, all the time. And often these days, I'm not sure what's right, and that drives me nuts. So all in all, you can imagine what a mess I can be! There is so much pressure to get back to normal, to bounce back and go go go...(societal pressure, that is). I feel weak when I say I can't or I shouldn't do something, and I hate to feel weak (the pride thing). And now that I'm starting to feel a little better (albeit extremely tired!), it's even harder for me to still take it easy and not feel like I should be the one doing the cleaning, chores, etc. But then on the other hand I have many people encouraging and reminding me to be careful, to take it easy, to not push myself. It's all very confusing and hard for me, for my prideful, guilt-laden, perfectionist self! (You all really are going to think I'm a nut-case by the time this post is over!)
However, in the midst of it all, God has been so good to us. Jackson is sleeping relatively well. I mean, he's a newborn, so we're not getting much sleep in general, but it could be much worse! He'll often go 3-4 hours between feedings at night, so there are times when I get a good 2-3 hour stretch of sleep at least once a night, which is super! Not every night, but at least some nights. And even though my time with Kathryn is so different now, I have had some sweet little nuggets of time with her, and I treasure those. When people come to visit, I try to let them hold the baby and seize that time to sit on the floor and play with her, or walk outside with her, etc. I try to touch and hug and snuggle her as much as possible (which is hard with how much she is on the go, but I still try!). Bedtime has been good with her, and I try to feed Jackson shortly before putting Kathryn down so that he's content and sleeping and Johnny and I are able to put her to bed together and keep that normal routine that she's used to. So far she's done great with that, and last night I was even able to rock her to sleep, and held her for a full 20 minutes. What a great time that was. I'm tearing up right now just thinking of it.
I've also gotten some sweet times with Jackson. We've had many times of people coming over to pick up Kathryn and take her to the park or out on some errand, and that's given me/us some alone time with the baby, so that's been good too. So far he's such a good baby, mostly content and easy-going (an answer to prayer!!).
So, in order to not ramble too much longer, that's the basics of how we're doing. The story may change once I'm more on my own with the two kiddos most days! But for now, there's a snapshot of how things are. Yes, we have good days and bad days (or more like good moments/bad moments). I am often sad about how things are so different with Kathryn, but at the same time life is so much more rich as a family of four that we wouldn't go back for anything. It's just something new and different to get used to. If I was too honest and you think I'm crazy now, then please just pray for us! :)